I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
by Guyana Rose
Summary: Santana loses her song after witnessing her friends die. Rachel gives it back to her, sealed with a kiss. Pezberry Week Day 2: First Kiss.
1. Breakaway

**Title:** I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings  
><strong><span>Author:<span>** Guyana Rose  
><strong><span>Rating:<span>** T  
><strong><span>Pairing:<span>** Santana Lopez & Rachel Berry  
><strong><span>Word Count:<span>** 2,302  
><strong><span>Summary:<span>** Santana loses her song after witnessing her friends die. Rachel gives it back to her, sealed with a kiss. Pezberry Week, Day 2: First Kiss.  
><strong><span>AN:** I will admittedly say that I'm skeptical about this one. I originally had another Alicia Keys song in mind for today's theme, but I couldn't ground my thoughts well enough to put something together. So I went back to my playlist and for some reason Caged Bird caught my eye and everything seemed to pop into place. With that said this fic is on the sad side, which is why I'm so skeptical because a couple's first kiss should be a happy affair but … it just didn't work out that way.  
><strong><span>Prompt:<span>** Pezberry Week, Day 2: First Kiss  
><strong><span>Disclaimer:<span>** I own only the story itself, Glee belongs to R.I.B. & Caged Bird belongs to Alicia Keys.

If I did own Glee, Pezberry & Quinncedes would've been on since Season 1.

**Please read & review  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 1 - Breakaway<span>**

It's been a rough few months for New Directions; for McKinley High period. It was all because of the Skanks. A rag tag bundle of teenage angst mixed with too much hatred and well hidden hurts. They'd started off their school year well enough; they'd managed to bring the most popular girl in school into their fold. Even though Quinn had had her ups and downs, she still had status. With Quinn in their ranks the Skanks were set much higher on the social ladder. But a couple of months later, Brittany happened. She pleaded with Quinn to step away from her dark side, and Quinn did as the girl asked because that's what you do for someone that you're in love with. The Skanks were not happy. While Quinn rejoined New Directions, they were returned to their former low level status. They retaliated.

All four girls walked into school late on a Friday and stood in the halls waiting for the bell to ring. While they had specific targets, they wanted the maximum amount of casualties. Two girls were on the first floor, and the other two were on the second floor. When the bell rang students streamed into the hallway. No one really paid attention to the girls standing stock still in the middle of the halls; no one but Quinn. She was standing just a few feet from one of them. She watched the girl's eyes roam through the sea of students and then panicked when she saw who her eyes had stopped on. Quinn screamed Brittany's name when she saw the gun being drawn, but she was too late.

Brittany was walking down the hall beside Santana. Santana was the couple's sassy best friend; you rarely saw any one of them without the others. The smile on Santana's face was quickly erased when Brittany's blood sprayed across her cheek. The bullet had hit the blonde's forehead and left a gaping hole in the back of her skull. She was dead before her body hit the ground. Santana was oblivious to the screaming around her as she stood staring wide-eyed at her friend's lifeless body. Quinn was yelling at her to run as she wrestled with the girl that had just killed her girlfriend, but Santana couldn't hear her. She didn't move until a fellow member of New Directions noticed her and tried to get her to safety.

Santana finally became aware of what her eyes were seeing and she saw Quinn on the floor trying to get control of the gun. She started to pull away from Mike so she could help Quinn, but he wouldn't let her go. The Skank the blonde was fighting knew what endgame she wanted. She pushed and rolled until Quinn's back was to the floor and she lay on top of Quinn with her back pressed to the blonde's front. She maneuvered the gun right over her heart and pulled the trigger. Santana heard the shot and she saw Quinn's body jerk. She screamed her friend's name as she watched her arms drop lifeless to the floor. She finally lets Mike pull her away.

By the end of the whole ordeal fifteen other students, including the Skanks, and five teachers are reported dead. Thirty others had sustained injuries. McKinley High School closed down for two weeks.

When classes restarted, grief counselors were called in to talk to the students and faculty members. For most the counseling worked. A few teachers retired and a handful of students decided to transfer.

The students that formed New Directions lost three of their own: Quinn, Brittany, and their co-coach Will. Principal Figgins sat in on the group's first practice together since the shooting. He asked the remaining coach if she wanted a replacement for Will, but he had chosen his words poorly. When he found his face stinging from the slap Shelby dealt him, he realized his error and apologized profusely. While the group realized they would have to find new members if they wanted to continue to compete, there would be no _replacing _anyone.

Over the next few weeks everyone found their song again. It started with Tina and Mercedes, who brought tears to everyone's eyes as they sang When You Believe. The Prince of Egypt was a movie the girls of New Directions would always watch on their ladies nights. Rachel sang a song with Shelby; Shelby had made it a point to get to know her daughter better. The woman had realized time was a precious commodity not to be wasted. One by one or by duets they all found their song; all but Santana. It became a growing concern. If a song was chosen for practice she was there. She hit every note and learned every step. But months after the shootings, Santana still had yet to complete a Glee assignment or participate in any ladies night gatherings. She walked the halls of McKinley as menacingly as ever, but she never said a word unless spoken to.

Everyone noticed, everyone asked; but Santana's show-face was flawless. She laughed and smiled when needed, threw out a snappy comment as necessary, and pushed a freshman or two out of her way. It fooled everyone, or so she thought. Rachel had been silently watching Santana since school started back. And by her calculations, she hadn't heard Santana genuinely laugh or seen her smile reach her eyes since everyone returned to school. As more time went on Rachel noticed less and less venom in Santana's insults. Santana's sneer was ever present when shoving freshman around, but her eyes were always apologetic.

It was always Santana's expressive chocolate eyes that told Rachel what the girl was really feeling. At first it was just concern that kept her watching, but it grew to something much stronger and it was killing Rachel to see the light in Santana's eyes slowly going out. She didn't know what to do to help her.

One Friday after school, Rachel stayed in the choir room later than usual. As she neared the auditorium she heard piano notes echoing in the air. She didn't think any students were still left in the building; it was Friday after all. But as she got closer she heard the music louder and louder. She walked into the large room as quietly as possible. The lights were dimmed, so it wasn't until she was halfway to the stage that she could tell it was Santana who was playing. Rachel quietly took a seat and listened.

_Right now I feel like a bird  
>caged without a key.<br>Ev'ryone comes to stare at me  
>with so much joy and reverie.<br>They don't know how I feel inside.  
>Through my smile I cry.<em>

Santana had spent countless hours with psychiatrists and grief counselors; all at the insistence of her father. She'd been made to try all types of pills and whatever else her father could find to try to fix her. He knew something was wrong, he just didn't know what. His intentions were good, but his methods were all wrong.

_They don't know what they're doing to me,_  
><em>keeping me from flying.<em>  
><em>That's why I say that I know why<em>  
><em>the caged bird sings.<em>  
><em>Only joy comes from song.<em>

She learned to fool even the best psychiatrists and learned how to hide the pills in her cheek so she could spit them out when her father left the room. She didn't want pills or people trying to tell her how she should feel. She was quiet on the outside, but she was raging on the inside. Santana Lopez was usually loud in any given situation. But her speech was stolen from her when she watched her two best friends get killed. She pulled away from her remaining friends because she was scared. Scared that they might be taken from her and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

_She's so rare and beautiful to others.  
>Why not just set her free<br>so she can fly, fly, fly,  
>spreading her wings and her song?<br>Let her fly, fly, fly,  
>the whole world to see.<br>_

Rachel sat and listened in awe. Santana's voice was soft, but powerful. She'd missed the broken girl's smokey tones. She got up as quietly as she could and walked to the side of the stage that Santana had her back to. Her Converse sneakers were quiet as she walked up to Santana.

_She's like a caged bird.  
>Fly, fly, ooh, just let her fly,<br>just let her fly, just let her fly,_

Rachel stood for a moment just inches away from Santana, unsure of her actions. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and gently placed her hands on Santana's shoulders.

_spread her wings,  
>spread beauty, mm.<em>

Rachel had expected Santana to stop singing and pull away from her, but she didn't. She finished the song and then leaned back into Rachel's body with a sigh and closed her eyes.

"Rachel."

"H-how … how did you know it was me?"

Santana didn't answer right away. It was still hard for her to say their names.

"Brittany," she whispered.

"Brittany?"

"When we were freshman me, her, and … and … Quinn were in my room and …"

She had to stop and take a breath, Rachel squeezed her shoulders and she found it easy to draw strength from the brunette's touch.

"Quinn and I were talking about why it was so hard to get your spirit down, because no matter what we did, you always came back with your head held high and that smile plastered to your face. Brittany said, that it was because you could see us … well, see through us. See through me. And she had it in her head that maybe you liked what you saw."

Hearing Santana's last sentence triggered something in Rachel's memory.

"That's what she meant."

"Who?"

"Quinn. She was the first person I told that Finn had proposed to me. Outside of all the obvious reasons why no should be my answer, she told me that for someone who sees so much, I'm really blind to what's good for me. And I get it now."

Santana swallowed and immediately missed the warmth of Rachel's body at her back when the brunette moved to sit next to her. Santana was afraid to look at her so she set her eyes on her hands resting in her lap, but she didn't miss the fact that Rachel chose to sit as close as she possibly could to her. When Rachel's hand caressed her face she felt the storm inside her calming and she leaned into the touch. She allowed Rachel to gently nudge her cheek until they're faces were barely centimeters apart.

"Maybe," Rachel whispered, "maybe we can help set each other free."

Santana hesitantly placed an arm around Rachel's waist as a small smile formed on her face and for the first time in months Rachel saw a barely there spark in her eyes.

"Maybe," Santana said breathily.

Rachel closed the gap between them and connected their lips. The kiss was soft but firm. It was a silent promise to each other, to always be there to catch the other when they're falling. As their kiss deepened Santana swore she heard Brittany and Quinn laughing and clapping in the background.

* * *

><p>Monday afternoon during Glee practice Santana sang Breakaway with Rachel. They received a standing ovation and Santana got a round of hugs and a 'welcome back' from Shelby.<p>

* * *

><p>Years later when Santana recounts the story of her and her wife's first kiss to their granddaughter she also tells her how much she still misses her fallen friends, the young girl tells her something she didn't expect to hear.<p>

"They miss you too abuela."

"Who does nieta?"

"Brittany and Quinn."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, remember when I was having nightmares all the time awhile ago? One night they sang to me and I stopped having the nightmares. Quinn said to tell you that they miss you too and Brittany said to tell you that she told you so. Sorry I forgot to tell you sooner."

Santana could only laugh. Only Brittany and Quinn could get away with playing matchmaker from beyond the grave.


	2. We Will Never Forget

**Title:** I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings  
><strong><span>Author:<span>** Guyana Rose  
><strong><span>Rating:<span>** K+  
><strong><span>Pairing:<span>** Santana Lopez & Rachel Berry  
><strong><span>Word Count:<span>** 2,414  
><strong><span>Summary:<span>** Santana loses her song after witnessing her friends die. Rachel gives it back to her, sealed with a kiss. Pezberry Week, Day 2: First Kiss.  
><strong><span>AN:** So, this has been stuck in my head for awhile. At first I didn't think it was needed but my muse wouldn't let me forget it so it's been pondered over and written and rewritten in my head a few times and this is what I came up with. It's nothing big, but I think it fits with the original chapter and it's a bit of exploration into Quinn's phases. This takes place a few weeks after Santana finds her song.  
><strong><span>Song:<span>** I found it to be a bit easier to label everyone's parts as I go instead of using the complications of italic/bold/underline mixtures.  
>Lyrics in () are being sang in the background at the same time as the lead for each part is being sung.<br>**Prompt:** Pezberry Week, Day 2: First Kiss  
><strong><span>Disclaimer:<span>** I own only the story itself. Glee belongs to R.I.B. & Breakaway belongs to Kelly Clarkson.  
>If I did own Glee, Pezberry &amp; Quinncedes would've been on since Season 1.<p>

**Please read & review  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 2 - We Will Never Forget (A Companion Piece)<span>**

"Listen up everyone."

Shelby walked into the choir room with a somewhat businesslike attitude. Once she had everyone's attention she began speaking.

"Principal Figgins wants us to do a song at next week's assembly; something with a bit of remembrance for everyone that we lost after the shooting."

A few random ideas were thrown out, but Puck's suggestion was what the group ultimately decided to go with. He suggested that they perform the song that brought Santana back to them. Rachel suggested that they work with the A/V club to make a video of all those that were lost on that dreadful day. The whole project put together would show that everyone was remembered, including the Skanks; because they were victims too. They hoped the song would help any that were still struggling to move forward. Artie suggested they wear their Born This Way t-shirts, while the newer members of the group would simply wear white t-shirts, as a reminder to the school that there is nothing wrong with being different from anyone else. It's everyone's responsibility to stop bullying; because when everything was sorted out, that's what had started the whole bloody affair.

A week later everything was set. One by one New Directions met backstage to do a final prep before singing; Rachel and Santana were the last to arrive. Everyone smiled when they saw their shirts; they'd had them modified. Under Santana's 'Lebanese' was 'I'm With Stoopid' and under Rachel's 'Nose' was 'Lucy Caboosey'. A picture of Brittany and Quinn was also added to the backs of each shirt.

The lights dimmed to half brightness as they took the stage. Behind them, three projection screens were lowered. The only formation they'd planned was Rachel and Santana to be center stage, while Puck and Sam would be at each end of the line. Everyone else would simply line up in the spaces between them. Puck and Sam would play acoustic guitars that they had hooked up to the sound system and Finn would be on the drums behind everyone facing the screen.

The projection screens showed a count down from five to one; when they reached one Puck, Sam, and Finn started playing.

The girls harmonized the first part of the intro.

_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da, da_

The boys joined them for the second part.

_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da, da_

The video began with four of the faculty members that were lost.

**Santana:  
><strong>_Grew up in a small town  
><em>_And when the rain would fall down  
><em>_I'd just stare out my window_

**Rachel:**_  
>Dreaming of what could be<br>And if I'd end up happy  
>I would pray <em>

Clips of each adult ran side by side on the large screens; pictures with their families, video footage from school trips and sports teams or clubs that each teacher was involved with. The audience sat spellbound in silence. Several of them already had tears in their eyes.

**Mercedes:  
><strong>_I would pray_

**Tina:  
><strong>_Trying hard to reach out  
><em>_But when I tried to speak out  
><em>_Felt like no one could hear me_

Lima's a small town. These weren't just random teachers to the students. They were a next door neighbor, an aunt, an uncle, a little league coach, a Sunday School teacher, a soccer mom, and many other things to other people in town._  
><em>

**Mercedes:  
><strong>_Wanted to belong here  
><em>_But something felt so wrong here  
><em>_So I prayed  
><em>**Tina:  
><strong>_(I would pray)_

**Girls:  
><strong>_I could break away_

Sam and Puck turned around and faced the screens as the chorus began. The rest of the group would follow suit at different intervals of the song.

**All:  
><strong>_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly  
><em>_I'll do what it takes  
><em>_Til' I touch the sky  
><em>_And I'll_

**Boys:  
><strong>_(Make a wish)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Make a wish  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Make a change_

The members of New Directions were nervous at this point. They all agreed the inclusion of the Skanks was a must; but they didn't know if the rest of the student body would understand.

**All:  
><strong>_And breakaway_

_Out of the darkness and into the sun  
>But I won't forget all the ones that I love<br>I'll _

**Boys:  
><strong>_(Take a risk)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Take a risk  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Make a change_

Tina watched the crowd intently. She knew whose pictures were being shown behind her. There were a few scowls she noticed, but only at first. The scowls gave way to the sadness of the situation; one by one she saw realization appear on everyone's face.

**All:  
><strong>_And breakaway_

**Boys:  
><strong>_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da  
><em>_Da, da, da, da, da, da, da_

Children more often than not tend to be products of their environments. The young women that made up the Skanks were products of the hostile environment known as McKinley High School. Labeled as outcasts even before they attended school there, no one ever did anything to help; and _everyone_ has their breaking point.

**Puck:  
><strong>_Wanna feel the warm breeze_

**Mike:  
><strong>_Sleep under a palm tree_

**Artie:  
><strong>_Feel the rush of the ocean_

Lucy Quinn Fabray was a perfect example. Growing up she'd been picked on and ridiculed and when she couldn't take it anymore she changed her persona and became the thing she used to detest; she became a bully.

**Sam:  
><strong>_Get onboard a fast train_

**Blaine:  
><strong>_Travel on a jet plane  
><em>_Far away  
><em>**Kurt:  
><strong>_(I would pray)_

Quinn Fabray buckled under the pressure of never quite being good enough at living up to her father's expectations and the misguided need to be popular. One could say her need to have people fawning all over her came simply from the lack of attention she received at home; she ended up a teenaged mother and though she hid it well, she was broken inside.

**Boys:**_  
>And breakaway<br>_

**All:**_  
>I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly<br>I'll do what it takes  
><em>_Til' I touch the sky  
><em>_And I'll_

She held all those hurts inside her, smiling and nodding through her days until one day, she imploded and felt the need to again change her persona; she became a Skank.

**Girls:  
><strong>_(Make a wish)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Make a wish  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Make a change_

Quinn Fabray's final change came about because of two people; Judy Fabray and Brittany Pierce. Everyone saw Brittany working her way in, but no one really saw Judy in the background. People may have thought the older blonde wasn't attentive, or that she didn't care; but people can only see what you let them and sometimes they'll only see what they want to see. What happens behind closed doors is many times a mystery.

**All:  
><strong>_And breakaway_

**Boys:**_  
>Out of the darkness and into the sun<br>_**Girls:  
><strong>_(Into the sun)_

**Boys:  
><strong>_But I won't forget_

**All:  
><strong>_All the ones that I love  
><em>_I gotta_

Judy saw her daughter slipping; she'd noticed it when Quinn first became a cheerleader. Judy was firmly in the grip of Russell Fabray, so there wasn't much she could do; until she decided that the welfare of her daughter was more important than looking like the perfect Christian family. While quietly following Quinn's journey Judy had noticed Brittany; the dancer always seemed to have a knack for handling Quinn's wild emotional swings. Small suggestions here and there got the job done. With Brittany's help, Judy got her daughter back and the dancer claimed the heart of the girl she loved.

**Girls:  
><strong>_(Take a risk)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Take a risk  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Make a change_

And where did Quinn's final change leave the Skanks? It sent them back in the pit; so to speak. Quinn had been below the lowest, then supreme on top, only to be kicked down and branded a slut. Even still, her name held clout; so when she began her climb again, this time with the muscle of the Skanks, it was almost a breeze. Being back on top was not her goal, but the Skanks felt like royalty because of the treatment they got with Quinn Fabray in their ranks. Her walking away from them cut deeper than they let show in public; they thought someone finally understood. Everyone else had already walked out on them. When Quinn walked away from them, they reached their breaking point.

**All:  
><strong>_And breakaway_

**Mercedes & Tina:  
><strong>_Buildings with a hundred floors_

**Puck & Sam:  
><strong>_Swinging around revolving doors_

Santana's voice hitched a bit as she sang with Rachel. She was still working through the loss of her friends. Rachel being her shoulder to cry on had helped calm the storm that was raging inside her, but the hurt of loss had yet to subside.

**Santana & Rachel:  
><strong>_Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but_

**Blaine & Mike:  
><strong>_Gotta keep moving on, moving on_

Santana and Rachel are the last to turn as images of Brittany and Quinn come onto the screen. Her eyes immediately begin to fill with tears as she sees the image of her freshman self at the Cheerios' Nationals competition with Quinn and Brittany.

**All:  
><strong>_Fly away_

_Breakaway_

_I'll spread my wings_  
><em>And I'll learn how to fly<em>

The music goes silent and for a few measures, Santana's voice is all that could be heard. Her legs shook and she dropped to her knees as the emotional weight became too much to bear. Rachel and then the rest of New Directions immediately went down on one knee with her; silently letting her know that they're all there for her. She looked with tears streaming down her cheeks at the images of her and her two best friends on the middle screen.

**Santana:**  
><em>Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye<em>

When the music starts again the left and right projectors show a live feed of the crowd behind them. Everyone is on their feet. Some with lighters held in the air, others simply holding up their hands in remembrance of the tragic incident that happened just months before. All with tears streaming down their faces.

**Mercedes & Tina:  
><strong>_Tell you goodbye_

**Boys:**_  
>(Take a risk)<br>_**Girls:  
><strong>_I gotta take a risk  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_Make a change_

The team had decided that instead of putting Will's tribute slideshow with the other teachers, they would put it near the end of the video. They wanted him as close to their group pictures as possible.

**Santana:  
><strong>_And_

_Break_

_Away,_

The next group of images was of New Directions, from the original five to all the members that joined later and were still left today.

**Blaine & Mike:  
><strong>_(Breakaway, breakaway)_

**Boys:  
><strong>_Out of the darkness and into the sun  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Into the sun)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_But I won't forget the place I come from_

The last images shown were of the senior class of McKinley High School. The background was darkened so empty spaces with the names of all the students that had died on that tragic day were highlighted with a blue spotlight stream.

**Girls:**_  
>(Take a risk)<br>_**Boys:  
><strong>_I gotta take a risk  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Take a chance)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Take a chance  
><em>**Girls:  
><strong>_(Make a change)  
><em>**Boys:  
><strong>_Make a change_

Near the end of the song Mercedes was forced to pause for a moment; she felt a hand on her wrist. She only noticed because Rachel already had her fingers entwined with that hand. When she looked to the right at her fellow diva, she saw Quinn kneeling behind the brunette with an arm around her chest. When Rachel turned and looked at her, the look in the diva's eyes told Mercedes that she knew Quinn was there. Mercedes' eyes were then drawn to Santana. Brittany was holding Santana and Tina in the exact same way that Quinn was holding her and Rachel. When Quinn moved behind her and wrapped an arm around her, the pain in her heart lessened and she continued singing.

**All:**_  
>And breakaway, <em>

_Breakaway, _

Santana's trembling acapella voice was the last word heard in the auditorium before a loud cheer erupted in the auditorium.

**Santana:  
><strong>_Breakaway_

The words 'We will never forget' faded to black on the screens as the lights dimmed and the curtain was drawn.

* * *

><p>New Directions went on to perform the song one final time at the Show Choir Nationals competition; they won first place.<p> 


End file.
